my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
