I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
