My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
