I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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