saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
