who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
