I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
