Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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