Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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