i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
