There is no way he is gay with that hair.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
