in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
