i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
