dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
A+ Viking dick
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
