and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
