I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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