who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
is it fun? or sober?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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