I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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