nut hugger
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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