my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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