No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Randomize
