please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
