I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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