Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
