So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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