I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
