Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
40s are totally the cure
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
