We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
