I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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