I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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