Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We are two peas in an std pod
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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