Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
