You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
