well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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