Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize