I'm passing your future prison.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
