I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
