Im at strip club and am horny
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
