Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Panties = found
Randomize
