i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Dicks are not precious.
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