he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
