Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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