I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
