Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
