I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
