I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
