I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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