Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize