We're facebook friends in real life
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
