i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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