Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
