Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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