I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize