I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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