no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
my being single is dangerous.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
