a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
