No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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