Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You took a bar mat shot.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
