If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
