You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
