apparently the secret to your success is patron
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
two words: eviction party
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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