I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
True strength comes from lack of pants
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
