people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
