Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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