She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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