party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
