my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
