Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
