the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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