wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
