I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
